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I let a friend borrow my copy of Good Omens at the start of the semester. I'd just bought it (I originally read it on the Kindle, then wanted a physical copy after I fell in love with it), fucking pristine. She gives it back to me today and. I just can't even. Like...the edges of the cover were frayed, the edges of a few pages had little tears, the back cover looked WATER LOGGED, and there were a few pages sticking together in the back. I was with this big group of people when she found me in the art building and gave it back. When she left, one of the people in my group goes, "Dude, your face is beet fucking red." College Friend Kelsey took it from me and went through it and tried to separate the pages and I just sat there like, WHY. HOW. I mean, I hated when I was stocking at the bookshop and found books that were clearly packed weird with bent covers and fucked up pages all through them and that was bad, like it made me sad to think about, but oh my god how could you ever treat something like that. THAT ISN'T EVEN YOURS? I mean, I'm not mad at her even though I should be, I just. Ugh. I don't know. Needless to say, I'm buying the copy we have in store after work tomorrow. It isn't the same, cover, though. Granted, I do kind of want all versions of the cover just to have them, but I would rather them both be in NICE condition. But okay. I've spent too much time crying over my book. Let's move on.

Speaking of books, the one I made for my class final was voted 3 in the top 5 of the class. I got a B+ on it. UNFORTUNATELY, I finished it this morning and had no time to take pictures. It's being showcased now and I won't get it back until late January. So as soon as I get it back, I'll post pictures. I ended up binding it in fake leather and it looks all Bible-y. When I get it back, I'm writing ABANDON ALL HOPE in the front in gold in Russian. I don't remember how specific I got before, but I wasn't allowed to use legible text, but I used the Russian text since no one in there could read Russian. They do actually say things, though. I used random excerpts from Good Omens, Bible versus regarding the Four Horsemen, and the end of T.S. Elliot's poem, The Hollow Men. But it's not like anyone in class knows that.

I got my portfolio back, but I still haven't looked at the grade. I'm afraid to. I didn't look at the grade on my midterm portfolio until two weeks after getting it back. I know delaying isn't going to magically change the grade, but I just need to be ready for it. Psyche myself up or something. And I am totally not ready right now.

But that's it! Last final was today! Now I'm off until sometime in January, and I can spend my break working and bothering Kevin. I still haven't gone Christmas shopping. I only work until six tomorrow, so I think I'll be going after I get off. I just need to buy Kelsey's cactus, Kevin's gloves, and fuck knows what for my dad. I got my mom her Kindle last summer as a super early gift and my grandma and I split the cost on her favorite perfume, and I got my grandma this biography on Regis Philbin because she fucking loves Regis. So I really don't have THAT much to buy. Thank god. I won't feel as guilty buying another copy of my book then.

And on that note, I'm going to go eat. All I've had today was a donut, given to me by some strange lady in the hall that I've never met. Could have been poisoned. Totally worth it.


Final writing assignment (I think, anyway) for my Fiction Writing class was a flash fiction, or basically a short short story. I think it had to be like, at least 500 words but no more than 1000 or something like that. Anyway, I'd been trying to decide what I wanted to write for it like, the whole semester. I finally decided on this one for two reasons: One, nothing I'd written for class yet involved angels, and that's a fucking scandal considering I'm, well, me. And two, it's December. Which means Christmas is coming. While it's not exactly a warm and fuzzy story or particularly Christmassy, I figured what the hell, why not. And fully expected to offend some people, but I was okay with that. So far, I've gotten one comment, and her first line in her critique was "WOW. O_O I need a minute. Just wow." And she didn't really have anything BAD to say about it. So that's pretty awesome, and because I actually like it too, I'm gonna post it here. So, here we go.

This is wrong, he thought. So wrong. Sure, in the past his father had done a lot of things he didn’t exactly agree with, but he’d kept his mouth shut. This time, though, he vehemently disagreed, and even considered arguing his point, but thought better of it. He remembered the last time one of his brothers had argued with their father. It did not end well, and he did not want to suffer the same fate. So really, what other choice did he have? He bit his tongue and hoped that one of his other brothers would be given the task, but, as though wishing against it acted like some sort of beacon, he was chosen.

Gabriel now he found himself in this inescapable situation and the eleventh hour was at hand. Now or never, he thought. And never was not an option. This was happening whether or not he did his part, it just might make things a little…difficult. What would happen, he wondered vaguely, if he said nothing? If he returned home and told his father he’d done his job, but in reality, did nothing? No, that’s stupid. Of course he’d know. The young man sighed heavily and anxiously ran a hand through his ash blond hair. Passerby in town were giving him stealthy, curious looks as they noticed him. He seen a few people whispering. He tried to ignore it, but he knew he looked rather conspicuous. He was dressed rather well for the area, and his complexion was considerably more pale than the people casting him peculiar glances. He crossed his arms self consciously and stared down at the dirt, suddenly remembering the debate he’d been having with himself all day.

He looked up, uncrossed his arms, balled his hands into fists and steeled himself to enter the hut. Just as he was about to take a step forward, a voice in the back of his head stopped him. No! What are you doing?! Every fiber of your being knows this is wrong. Maybe if you don’t tell her, it won’t happen. Or better yet, it’ll happen in a more humane manner. Wouldn’t that be better? Of course we all want the end result, but are the means to the end worth it? Ethically? Morally? We are nothing if not moral. But this task seems to be just the opposite. What are we doing? What is HE doing? Has he even really thought about this? Seriously considered it?

Gabriel shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to think of a valid argument against himself. But it’s for the greater good, he thought. Let’s be rational here. If one person must be violated to secure the future of the rest of mankind, isn’t it worth sacrificing traditional morals and ethics? Even as he thought these words, he didn’t truly believe them. He knew that when he stripped away all of the grandeur he’d been fed about this, all of the promises of a better future, the guarantee of bliss, this whole thing equated to one thing.

Rape, Gabriel. This. Is. Rape.

“Stop it,” he said aloud, then blushed. The last thing he needed were the locals thinking he was talking to himself.

It’s rape. She can’t give consent. Just because you’re telling her it’s going to happen, that doesn’t mean she consents to it. Sure, there’s the possibility that she will, but if she doesn’t? It’s still going to happen anyway. How is that fair? How is that just? How is that moral?

Gabriel looked up as a low thunder rolled in the distance. He could see dark clouds gathering a few miles away. He knew in an instant he was taking too long and it was beginning to look suspicious. He swallowed and looked at the door of the hut. Wringing his hands, he knew he had no choice. The voice in the back of his head told him this might be the one thing he’ll regret for the rest of his existence.

He took a deep breath, put on a stoic face, and with one last look at the distant storm clouds, entered the hut.

“Hail, favored one!” he said to the woman inside.

“The Lord is with you. Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall name him Jesus.”


And if that hasn't secured me my spot in Hell, I don't know if anything will.
It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Short summary of things.

School is stressing me the fuck out. Midterms are next week. Ugh.

I threw the plot of my novel out the window. Starting from the ground up. Anything could happen. Redesigned Ezra and Lydia, mostly just in appearance. Rewriting the whole damn thing next month for NaNoWriMo. Still not sure if I'll be posting it.

Began actively practicing Wicca again now that I have the means to do so. Also my mother isn't so butthurt about things now and has become quite tolerant of things she once denounced, which is obvious since she accepted my whole coming out as pansexual and genderqueer. So she really has no issue with my spiritual beliefs, and doesn't seem to give a fuck that I have an alter on my bedside table (though I guess it's kind of a work in progress since I really just have some candles, a pentacle, and an incense burner right now).

Started reading John Dies At The End two days ago, about 50% done according to my Kindle. I fucking love this book.

No idea what I'm writing for my short story in class anymore. So far everyone is writing things that make you want to kill yourself and that's not really my thing so I don't want to be looked down on because I write more whimsically than angsty. I wasn't aware that you had to be so brain numbingly depressing to be a writer.

People who like regular cigarettes and dislike clove cigarettes are insane.

I applied for a job at a bookstore opening up in the mall next month. This initiated a conversation between Kevin and I that eventually ended with the conclusion that I am what would have happened if Bernard and Fran of Black Books procreated.

I'm being forced to drive on the highway/freeway for the first time this Sunday. I might be killed.

And I think that pretty much covers it.

First week back.

So, been a while. Been meaning to post, but then I just figured I'd wait till the end of this week.
Classes started back up again this week, and let me tell you, I do not remember being this tired last semester.
But then, I also did a lot less running last semester.

Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday I have Intro to Russian. Which is FANTASTIC. I love it. I've almost got the whole reading cyrillic down and it's only the end of week one. Some of my pronunciation needs work, but I'm trying. Like trilling r's for instance. Couldn't do it in high school Spanish, can't do it in college Russian. Boo. And my teacher sounds like Molotov Cocktease.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have Intro To Fiction Writing. My teacher is the best thing ever. He's pretty young, super personable, and unbelievably gay. I love it. His giggle reminds me of Jimmy Fallon. My friend Juliette, whom I met in Photojournalism last semester, is in there with me. And apparently, according to the online portion of the class, a girl I knew in sixth grade is also in there. This could be good or bad. We'll see.

Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have Drawing and Fundamentals of 2D Design. The same teacher teaches both classes. He's older, but he doesn't have an old guy personality. According to Rate My Professors, someone said he was arrogant, but I don't see it. I dunno, maybe I'm biased because he liked the drawing I did of oranges on our first day, lolol. I made two new friends in Drawing; a girl named Kali who I apparently met a million years ago at a mutual friend's birthday and neither of us realized it until we added each other on Facebook, and a girl whose name I believe is Ali who reeeeally lacks confidence in her drawing ability. She's super nice, though. Downside to Drawing, Billy's most recent (unless he's hooked up with someone else that I don't know about) ex is in there. I can't tell if she recognizes me. But she hung up her oranges piece right next to mine during the class critique. So. I dunno. Whatever. Oh, there's also a super cute androgynous girl in both of these classes. Dunno her name, but she's adorable and I want to be friends with her. I really hope she likes ladies. I'd be all over that.

So, anyway, that's my first week. The art building is on the complete opposite end of the liberal arts building. On Thursdays I have ten minutes to get from Russian to 2D. It's impossible. I was late the first time, but explained why. Spoke to my Russian teacher today, and she has no issue with me leaving a little early on Thursdays, so, hopefully problem solved. So far, I like my classes and the people in them.

I'm about to do my first assignment for 2D: three nonrepresentational pieces. One using only straight lines, one using only curvilinear lines, and one using shapes with no real perspective but they sort of make you think they ARE in perspective (but if you add a vanishing point it fucks shit up). I kind of want to see what kind of curved line thumbnails I can come up with whilst under the influence of my lady friend Mary Jane. Probably something way cooler than I could come up with sober. Did some thumbs in class and hated them all. So we'll see what kind of results this experiment brings. If they're cool, I'll post them.

Oh, and I haven't stopped writing or making my Tarot deck. I finished The Chariot card, just haven't uploaded it yet, and I've started on The Empress. So those will be posted next time, too.

(Or 'bye' in Russian, in case your computer just displays a bunch of squares.)


I printed the first draft (the one that at least two of you have read) so I can go through and edit with the red pen of death. It's way thicker than I'd expected. I'm overcome with a strange sense of pride and devotion. It's like it's my baby or something. Here's a photo of the fully printed version:


And now it's time to revise and rewrite. So those of you who read it should feel special, because you got to see the raw, unedited first draft that will probably evolve into something only resembling what it once was. Or...I might just edit a few things here and there. I dunno, we'll see! But I'm excited for it!


More Cool Things.

I've lost 13 pounds since starting my diet. Been motivating myself with little rewards. Bought myself a ring and a necklace for the last ten pounds. Dying my hair black after this ten pounds. Not sure what's gonna be my incentive after that, we'll see. Did we talk about this already? I don't care. I'm fucking excited.

Fresh tea is better than store bought. Discovered this when I made dandelion tea from the flowers in my yard and mint tea from the overabundance of mint in my garden. So now I'm growing holy basil, chamomile, and catnip in my window (catnip makes a tea that's like, a mild sedative or humans. Whaaat). Two of them sprouted when I woke up this morning (afternoon) and I was way more excited than I should have been.

Robbie is buying one of my illustrations for like, $100. Did it digitally originally, but he wants it 13x19 and inked. So it's going to be expensive and time consuming to recreate, therefore the high price. But he's okay with it, so that's cool.

Now getting paid $60 for what was at one point a $40 freelance job. My mom's boss talked to me. She owns a couple dry cleaning places and wanted me to make a promo ad for her newest one, as well as customer reward punch cards. That was $40. Then she added on business cards for she and her husband, so I asked for an extra ten. Then she wanted two more business cards, and offered to pay $60. So shit yeah, gettin' paid son.

Might be going to a party tomorrow. Here's the weird bit: it's Kevin's ex girlfriend's birthday, and she's having it at his apartment. She wants me to go so bad that she asked me on FB via invite AND had Kevin ask me in person. I'm totally fine with going. I just know this one girl I knew in high school will be there and she's the single most annoying person on the face of the earth. And I don't know any other friends of the ex. I'll just know her, Kevin, and the annoying girl. So that's the downside. The upside is free alcohol, Doctor Who with friends, and I get to play with Kevin's pet snake and kittens. There seems to be more pros than cons. So we'll see what happens.

And I think that's it.
Look! It didn't take me ten years to update!


Cool things that have happened:

Kelsey turned 21 today. So we went to a bar at midnight last night, made her drink an Irish car bomb, among other things, then lol'd when she was drunk (I only had two Jack and Cokes, since I'm dieting. More on that in a bit) then we went to Perkins and found MORE drunk people, and Nick (a mutual friend) and I decided that there must be some special drunk language and drunk radar that draws dunk people together. Fun ones, anyway. Because all the drunks at Perkins last night were hilarious. Oh and my cousin was there, which was weird. She's usually in Pitt right now with my other cousin, the one who ruined my fucking life in PA. She sat right behind us. Which was also weird. And there was a guy sitting at a table alone who looked like a really creepy Woody Harrelson. So that was fun.

Kelsey isn't going back to Kent after the summer. She's decided to go to Cosmetology school, which is nearby here. Which means my best friend will be around ALL THE TIME. I'm trying to convince her that when she and I manage to find jobs, we NEED to get a place together because we are literally the only people who could live with either of us. Seriously. If anyone else tried to move in with us, we'd kill them or they'd kill us. Thing with us is, we don't get mad at each other. And when we do, it lasts about a day, we're passive aggressive in our texts, then the next day we're fine. And we're both anti social as fuck, and neither of us minds the other when we're drunk, and chances are if we lived together we'd be drunk A LOT. So, I hope that happens. Because I really don't wanna live at home the whole time I'm at YSU.

I'm on the Dukan Diet. I started Monday, and I've already lost ten pounds. Just started the second phase of the diet today, and it's going well so far. The only mild cheating I've done is drinking alcohol and soda that isn't zero calories. I did look up how much calories they were though, and I think they came out to about 300 or so. Though I didn't factor in the fact that my second one was more Jack than Coke. Anyway, if I stick to it and all goes well, I should be down to 136 lbs by October 27th. Which means I'll get to look dapper as fuck in a suit for Halloween. Which brings me to my next cool thing.

I fucking love Good Omens. Seriously, why the shit did it take me this long to read it. I have a friend who LOVES Neil Gaiman, and she's been begging me to read something, ANYTHING from him. I picked something at random, and figured it counted even though it's a collaboration. Whatever. Anyway, I pretty much devoured it in four days. That's a record for me. I didn't even read any of the Harry Potter books that fast, guys. I love it so much that I've convinced three other people to read it, AND my grandma is having me read it TO her. What does this have to do with the transition from the previous Cool Thing? Pft, I'm being Crowley for Halloween, duh.

There is no transition for that one.
And it's not really a Cool Thing, more of a I'm Not Sure What To Do With This Information Thing.
I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I'm going to do it again. So if I did, feel free to ignore this. Last month sometime, Kevin and I go out to the mall to get him a suit for his cousin's wedding, and then go out to Olive Garden afterward. In between bickering about shit that doesn't matter, as per usual, he manages to inform me that he and his long time girlfriend broke up. Now, I'm not surprised. I've been waiting for it. Their relationship has been dead for the last two years, they were just too comfortable with it to get out of it. But he finally broke it off, and I was like, oh, okay, well good for you, man. Then the next day, during a completely unrelated conversation (which was about a Swiss watch being found in a never before opened ancient tomb, by the way), he tells me he loves me. The text conversation was basically this:

Me: Hold on, let me find the thread that talks about it.
Kevin: Okay lol. Oh btw I love you.
Me: I found it, it's a lot older than I thought. And wat.
Kevin: Cool. And I said I love you.
Me: Um. Why...?
Kevin: Why not?
Me: Because you don't.
Kevin: I do.
Kevin: Lol we're besties.
Me: OH. Oh. Okay. Well, as besties, I love you too.
Kevin: Lol yay.
Kevin: Can I say something though
Me: Go for it.
Kevin: I think my love might be more than platonic.
Me: Explain.
Kevin: I could like you as more than a friend.

I don't remember what I said after that. However, nothing has happened, aside from one night where my internet went out and I needed to write a final paper so I had to stay the night at his place and use his internet. I made a point to sleep in the living room even when he said he'd leave his door open. I didn't want him to think that I like, I dunno, reciprocated feelings. I mean, I like him. We're bros. But we are total and complete fucking opposites. Our relationship consists of Doctor Who, drinking, sex, and debate. No, not debate. Just flat out arguing. If I were to attempt to date him, I'd kill him. But if he were to formally ask me out, I'm not sure I'd have the heart to turn him down. I mean, I've known him for seven yearssss. I'd owe him a chance, right? Even if I don't have any confidence that it would work...right?

And the smallest things, I cut my hair off. It's short and brown and David Tennanty again. Robbie and I haven't spoken in a week. No idea why. He just hasn't answered me. Also didn't go to his house yet. Doubt it's going to happen. I'm beginning to think we were meant to be single serving, short term friends. Whatever. And I am officially a Fine Arts major. Next semester I'm taking two foundation drawing classes (which sucks that I have to retake them, but I'm rusty, so it couldn't hurt), Intro To Fiction Writing, and Elementary Russian.

I think that pretty much covers everything. Sorry about this novel of an entry.

My binder came in this morning!

Only a few pictures, sadly none with my tweed jacket, but there IS a bow tie. :)

Pics under the cut so I don't take over your friend pageCollapse )

It's more comfortable than I expected. A tumblr friend said her's cut into her arms after a while, but so far I haven't had that issue. It feels kind of like a corset and sucks my stomach in a bit, too, so that's nice. I could definitely wear it for a full day. So, overall, I'm satisfied with it.

I'm never here anymore. :C

I mean, I'm on here, but I rarely update my actual JOURNAL anymore. I've been posting more and more personal things to my Tumblr lately.
But anyway, basically what's happening is I'm switching my major to Painting, with a minor in Creative Writing. I was in Journalism because I love writing, but I still can't get away from art. I miss it. So, I'm going for a Fine Art degree, and I'll still get to write with the Creative Writing minor. I'm taking the summer off and starting up again in the fall. As for this semester, I have a week and a half left, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting an A in American Journalism and Photojournalism, a high B or C in Political Science...but I think I'm failing Astronomy because I have no idea what the fuck is going on in there and most of my test answers are based on things I've picked up from watching The Science Channel. I'm almost done with my finals. No final exam in AJ because he said he liked our class and said we have a good grasp on everything, so one last essay needs to be emailed to him by Monday, and then I'm done. Basically I have to write about where I think journalism is headed. I plan to base my paper on shows like The Daily Show and Real Time, saying something about how news is becoming not only informative but entertaining. My final project in Photojournalism is a multimedia project, which is basically audio over stills. I had to go and interview someone and take photos of them doing whatever. I picked my uncle, who is a detective whose about to retire. So I just have to throw that together in Final Cut (which I love. Seriously. I've made like five Doctor Who music videos in that program.). Then I have a final exam, which is probably just going to be all the quizzes we've taken all combined into one paper. All of which I aced, by the way, so it'll be easy. Then I have an exam in Poli Sci and an exam in Astronomy and I'm free for three months!

Summer plans thus far include spending a week with Robbie and then celebrating Kelsey's 21st birthday. Plans to travel have been cancelled due to me not being able to find another job and the fact that I have 35 dollars to my name. Not getting very far on that. Maybe next summer. Hopefully.

In other less important news, I ordered a FTM binder. You know, one of those shirts that makes me look flat like a guy. I just ordered it last night and I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival. I'm so excited. My mom says I can't wear it around my grandma though, since she'll question my sudden and inexplicable lack of tits and because explaining gender fluidity will be next to impossible. So when that gets here, I'll be sure to post photos of my masculine ego, who has a name now. As a male, my name is Jules White - it's equal parts pompous and nerdy sounding and makes me sound like a steampunk writer or something.

And last but not least, DOCTOR WHO IS BACK. I can't believe it's been a year since I fell in love with it. Which also means it's been nearly a year since I graduated AiP. Fucking time, how does it work?

Alright, that's enough for now. Update overload after a long absence.
I smoked my first joint on 420 of 2011.
More on this at another time.
For now, I must slumber.